Lady Madison and Corlos laughed. They had shared many stories and jokes over the past few hours. Who knew barbarians could be so entertaining? She felt like she understood more about them.
On the other hand, she understood less about Hensley, who got drunk and passed out within the first hour. He was already a pale man, but he was even paler drunk. Was this something he did on a regular basis?
She decided to ask Corlos a question. "I'm new to the whole skimpy armor thing. I wonder, what does it feel like to wear nothing but underwear into battle?"
He laughed. "It feels great. Good underwear and a good weapon are all a real barbarian needs. Full armor is for beginners and weaklings."
"Not true," Lady Madison said. "Full armor is for the smart and prepared. I'm only wearing this skimpy stuff for fun. I wouldn't be caught dead wearing it on the frontline, where a fatal attack can come from any direction. A stray attack could also spell doom."
"Heh, heh, I've seen a lot of stuff in my thirty-five years in this world," Corlos said. "I've seen heads rolling and heads smashed in. I've seen hearts pierced, torso run through, and bodies sliced in half. Heck I was responsible for a great deal of those deaths myself. More often than not, the dead were wearing full armor. Meanwhile, after seventeen years and countless battles in nothing but underwear, me and my friends are still alive and well."
Lady Madison thought back to Shalista's duel with Lady Glinda and Lady Iocasta and how badly Shalista defeated them. Then, there were the numerous battles Lady Belinda came back alive from. "I will admit, the more scantily-clad warriors have a level of skill that can't be denied. You can even call it courage or fearlessness if you want. That doesn't mean it makes sense."
"It makes all kinds of sense," Corlos said. "In combat, it's the most skilled warrior who wins, not the one wearing the most armor."
Lady Madison remembered Shalista said that after she beat Lady Glinda and Lady Iocasta. Lady Belinda often says it, too. Even her military instructor said something similar, saying that armor will make you less vulnerable, but it's skill, not armor that will save you in combat. Maybe there was some validity to it.
Had she been wrong all these years? Was sexy armor really superior to full armor? Corlos, Lady Belinda, Shalista, Sophia. These were all powerful warriors who wore little or no armor. Did they have it right?
Hensley began to stir. "Urrrgh...why did you let me drink so much?"
Lady Madison held up her glass. "You should have ordered water, like me. But no, you just had to try to outdrink a barbarian. I don't know what you were trying to prove, but you failed." Then she drank.
"Welcome back to the world of the living, pale one," Corlos said to Hensley. "You didn't last very long. People like you shouldn't drink."
"I don't need a barbarian to tell me that," Hensley said.
Lady Madison was confused. "Why are you being a prick?"
"I just can't understand what you see in a slovenly barbarian," he said.
Lady Madison was starting to understand now. "You're jealous? You think I'm falling for Corlos? I can assure you I am not. All I wanted to do was share some drinks with the other side, that's all."
"Your girlfriend is right, pale one," Corlos said. "I pillage and destroy. She protects and defends. We are polar opposites. It would never work."
"He's not my boyfriend," Lady Madison said, slapping his shoulder. "Don't say things like that. I am Lady Madison. No man can tame me in combat or in matters of the heart."
"That's a pity," Corlos said. "You'd probably make a good wife for someone. Your head would make an equally good trophy." He stood and stretched before setting down some coins on the table. "That's my part of the bill. Well, I'm off."
After Corlos left, Lady Madison ordered another water to give Hensley a chance to sober up. After finishing it off, she asked, "Are you ready to go?"
"Yeah," he said, using the counter to assist him as he stood. "I think I can walk under my own power."
Lady Madison paid the bill and they walked out. It was nighttime and warm. She breathed deep and exhaled slowly. "That air feels good. If sexy armor has any benefit, it's this." She spread her arms and look up at the sky. "Come, Mother Nature. Embrace my body with your warmth. My arms, my legs, my breasts, my buttocks. They're all yours. Do what you will with them."
"Can you not say things like that," Hensley said. "I'm starting to get horny. It's already hard enough to keep my libido in check while you're wearing that armor, especially being drunk and all. I don't need that extra push."
Lady Madison stopped. "Oh. Sorry." That was a downside of sexy armor. It didn't matter what your intention were, someone was sure to misinterpret the meaning behind it. They only people who could possibly understand it were authors. She'd read many books and came to the realization that the sexy warrior rarely got the guys. It was usually the princess or the sorceress, not the scantily-clad female warrior that men fantasized about. "I love books."
"I know," Hensley said. "You're a regular at the library in peacetime."
She shook her head. "That's not what I mean. I'm saying I like how you can't even guess what the writer is saying until after you've started reading. Even then, if you don't have the comprehension skill, you won't be able to interpret what's being said, no matter how well you understand the language."
He looked at her with his head tilted. "No wonder you didn't drink anything. You're high. You must have the good stuff."
"I'm not high," she said. "I'm trying to be philosophical. Apparently, I'm failing. I was comparing books to skimpy armor. The average person will look at someone like Shalista and think she's a weakling or a slut. In truth, you could very well be staring at a world-class warrior, but you wouldn't know it until it's too late and you've already been run though."
"Yes, I see what you mean," he said, as if he'd had a eureka moment. "Also, it's worth noting that in books, such warriors are treated as equals, just as capable of winning a fight as a warrior in the sturdiest armor. They are depicted as mighty warriors who aren't promiscuous. It's not about whether or not it's believable, but whether or not the author can make the unbelievable believable."
Lady Madison nodded. "They are taken seriously in the world they exist. People in the real world may be drooling over such women, but in their world, nobody blinks an eye. Everybody's too enamored with the princess, hence the sexy warrior is just another woman and just another warrior."
After a brief silence, Hensley said, "My head is starting to hurt. Maybe it's the alcohol or maybe I'm just thinking too hard about this subject."
It was pretty stupid. "Yeah," she said. "Let's shut up now and enjoy the weather."
After dropping him off at he home, she began her own trek home.
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