Charming A Princess: The Badass

Andy was just walking down the street when he heard yelling coming from down an alley he just happened to be walking past.  It sounded like a woman and at least two men going at it.

Then, just as he was wondering if he should intervene, two men ran out of the alley, shouting, "Crazy bitch!"

A woman emerged from the alley with a bat and stopped, watching them run off.  "Come back again and you'll see how crazy I can get!"

Andy was so stunned, he couldn't move.  Part of the reason was because of the scene he'd just witnessed, but it was mostly because of the woman herself.

There she stood, with a bat in her hand.  She was a fit woman, showing off sculpted arms and legs in jean cutoff shorts and a black tank top that read Just Try It in big white letters.  Then, she noticed him staring.  "You with them?" she asked, pointing at him with the bat.

"No," he said quickly, not wanting any part of bat.

"Then, what're you staring at?" she asked.

"A hot chick who I don't want to hit me with a bat," he answered.

She rolled her eyes.  "Is that some lame attempt at being cute?"

"I don't know.  Is it working?"

She turned back toward the alley.  "Honestly, can a girl take a smoke break without some sleazeball trying to hit on her?"

"Guys think you're hot," he said.  "Last time I checked, that wasn't a bad thing."

"Says you," she retorted.

"What's wrong with it?" he asked.

She looked down at herself.  "You have no idea how hard it is to look like this.  Creeps always want to touch on you.  It's irritating."

"And you chose to wear shorts and a tank top because...," he said.

"I wanted to," she said.  "I don't do this to look sexy for anyone or because I'm a slut or dumb shit like that.  I just want to wear it.  Is that so wrong?"

He understood.  She needed to be tough to fend off all the people who would take advantage of lesser women.  He'd never thought of it that way before.  "I see.  Hot women have it tough, too.  Sorry if I troubled you."  He started to walk away.

"I don't want to be like this," she said.

He stopped and listened.

She continued.  "I don't mid people calling me hot.  If people just spoke their mind and moved on, I'd be fine with it.  But people can never just say their piece and move on."

He stayed and listened.

"Well, my break's over," she said after about ten minutes.  "Thanks for listening."

Maybe that's all she needed.  "No, thank you.  It was informative."

"Say...if you wanted to hang out later, swing by in a few hours, when I get off work," she said.  "Maybe we can...I don't know...get something to eat.  Talk some more."

It seemed like she was softening up.  "As long as you don't bring the bat, I'm game."

"Ha, ha, okay," she laughed.  "No bat."

The Crappy Teacher

He heard it as he stood just outside of his classroom.  Seventh graders held conversations about multiple things.  Videogames, movies, ass-whuppings, even sex were all things they spoke about.  "Kids these days," he muttered to himself.  Well, he might as well get in there.  He had a job to do.

He entered and bellow, "Okay, shut up, you future failures!"

The kids all looked his way.

"Now then, my name is-"

"Who cares," a student called out.

He knew exactly who it was.  "You think I didn't see you."  Pointing at the student, he said, "stand up, you miserable virus."

The student stood and said, "shut up."

The teacher said, "Now listen hear, you little piece of trash.  I get underpaid to come in and teach ingrates like you.  That means you'd better shut up, know your place, and listen.  Let me hear another outburst and see what happens."

The student walked up to him.  "I can tell you to kiss my ass and there's nothing you can do about it."

The teacher reared back and knocked him out with a single punch.  "Yes I can.  Oh, wait.  You're too busy being knocked out to hear me."  He looked out at the rest of the class.  "If anyone wants to join him on the ground, let me know."

Hearing nothing but silence, he continued.  "Now as I was saying, my name is Mr. Dickenbaus.  It's my job to make sure you maggots understand math and equations.  Do you maggots understand?"

"He said dick and balls," a student joked.

The class laughed.

"Excuse me, teacher," a female student said.  "Your name is inappropriate for school.  You should quit."

He walked up to her table and hit her with a vicious right hook, knocking her out of her seat and to the ground.  "And you should shut up and pick up your teeth.  Anyone else got something to say?"

"Yeah," a student said, standing up in protest.  "You're a crappy teacher and you suck, too."

Mr. Dickenbaus let out an eerie laugh.  "You need to sit down and shut up before I knock you down and bust you up."

Another student stood and headed for the door.  "This is crap!  I'm leaving."

Mr. Dickenbaus ran over and blocked the door.  "Nobody's going anywhere until the bell rings.  Now go back to your seat so we can start the lesson...unless you want to take the Dickenbaus Challenge."

The student stopped.  "Sorry.  I'm not gay."

Mr. Dickenbaus kicked the student to the ground.  "Got something else you want to say any my name?"

"Urgh…" the student moaned, seemingly unable to get up.

"Now then, everyone open your textbooks to page 33," Mr. Dickenbaus said.  "You're going to learn this crap even if it kills you."