He reached down deep and dug up the strength to sit up. How long had it been since he last saw her? How was her defense art training going? Had she taken his advice and gone to Tzezhange Island to continue that training? "Xiang..."
Tears began to well up in his eyes as he thought about her. Xiang Wenling. His most devoted and final student. She was so bright-eyed and innocent. He could never forgive himself for the way he betrayed her. He could never forgive himself for being...overcome. He would never take on another pupil. He was a teacher who could no longer teach. A man who no longer had a purpose. "I'm sorry...Xiang."
Her innocent face haunted him multiple times every day. That's the reason he turned to heavy drinking and passed out in alleys. He figured it would help wash any the pain. As of yet, it hadn't proved effective. Would it ever work? Well, he did enjoy the taste, so maybe he'd try it until it did. With that thought, he needed a drink.
He grumbled and groaned as he worked his way up to his feet. Then he stumbled his way out of the alley and onto the main road. Things were quite busy, as they tended to be at high sun in any town he would drunkenly wander into.
He noticed a little girl walking with her mother. The sight of her reminded him of Xiang when he first met her. It wasn't that she looked like her, for this girl was of a different origin. No. It was the innocence she projected. She was just a little girl, living her best life, sheltered from all the garbage children shouldn't have to think about.
He was reminded of his own childhood. Days filled with playing outside and getting dirty. Learning defense arts from Master Zhe Chou. Running home for dinner. Those were the good old days.
Now, here he stood, a middle-aged wreck with no hope, drinking his way through life. Where did it all go wrong? Stupid question. He knew. It was that dreadful day. The day he betrayed Xiang.
The girl looked over and noticed him looking at her. She broke from her mother and ran over. "Hey, mister."
She was just like Xiang when he first met her.
The mother wasn't far behind. She grabbed her daughter's hand and yanked her back violently. "What did mommy say about going near maggots, honey?"
"But he's not a maggot, mommy."
"Yes he is. The stench of liquor is all over him. That's how maggots smell." She turned and stormed off, yanking her daughter behind her.
"No, little girl, your mother is right," he said to himself. "I am a maggot." His days consisted of drinking himself into a stupor, then falling asleep in a puddle of his own vomit and sometimes piss. If he was motivated, he would wander around looking for the next place to get drunk. If that wasn't a maggot, then what was?
He walked down the street a bit more and found himself right outside the bar. The sweet nectar of the heavens was just on the other side of the door. Another day of passing out drunk and vomiting awaited him.
Suddenly, two men emerged. One bumped into him and sent him stumbling to the ground. The two stopped and stared him down. "You piece of garbage," the man who bumped into him growled. "Get up so we can teach you a lesson."
Was this it? Was this the day he would die? Were these the two men who would kill him? Would these men free him from his life of guilt? He stood and got into his fighting stance. "Show no mercy. Make sure you kill me."
The two men gave each other a puzzled look. "Must have brain damage," one said.
"No point in beating on an idiot," the other said. "He won't learn nothin'." The two of them walked away.
He relaxed his stance and sighed. His pointless existence continued. When would that day come? Until it did, he would drink, vomit, and wander.
Entering the bar, he saw the same faces he always did. The people were starting to look too familiar. He would have to leave to town soon, lest he start a connection and infect someone else with his worthlessness. He staggered his way to a barstool near the bartender.
"You back, huh?" the bartender asked. "So how many will it be tonight?"
He had twelve last night. "Thirteen sounds good."
The bartender shook his head. "Don't know how you ain't dead yet, but if you keep payin', I'll keep servin' 'em up."
Yeah. That's how he liked it.
*
"Urgh..." It was dark as Tsu stirred back to life. He was back in the alley. How long had he been there? Was it the same day? Had he paid the bartender for all those drinks? Only one way to find out. Off to the bar...or at least that's where he'd be going if he had the strength to do so.
Great. The only thing worse than living in reality was not being able to drink away his problems. What was he supposed to do now? Sit back and think about how big of a failure he was?
Then, a shadowy figure stopped in front of the alley. The figure came down and emerged from the shadows to reveal it was a woman. She, like him, was of Tzezhange origin, wearing an elegant black dress and a black shawl. She was average height and didn't appear to be armed. She was looking down at him and while she had a face of stone, there was a sadness in her eyes. Why would a woman like that come wandering down a random alley to stare down a random drunk guy at night. Was she real?
"Your life is forfeit," she said in a monotone voice.
Was she a personification of the death he'd been craving for the last several years? Would this woman be the one to kill him? He was so drunk he couldn't move. He couldn't stop her even if he wanted to. "I've been waiting for you. Make sure you finish the job."
"You are a sad, pathetic man," she said in the same monotone voice. "You are a blight on society and you must be remedied."
He closed his eyes and waited for death. "Yes..."
"You hurt someone close to you," the woman said. "The relationship has been irreparably damaged. This has lead to you losing your purpose in life. Now you feel that life is not living."
He was getting annoyed. "You're not going to kill me, are you?"
She shook her head. "That is not my job. I was not sent to kill or save you. I was sent to inform you that even though you may have done something unthinkable, there is still hope. There is a path to redemption, even for you. Will you take the path to redemption and make up for your past sins or will you wander aimlessly down the path of despair and shame. Ultimately, that is a choice only you can make."
Redemption? "Xiang will forgive me?"
"I do not know. I have no knowledge of the individual you speak of, only the situation you are in."
She was sent? "Who sent you?"
She turned away. "I cannot say. I was simply sent to present the choices to a man on the verge of death. I have done all I can do for now. If you choose right, we will meet again." She started walking.
"Wait...why me?"
"I cannot say. If I had to guess, I would say you have been chosen for some purpose by the one who sent me. Naturally, I cannot say what that purpose might be, for I am not privy to such information. Perhaps, I will know more during our next meeting." Her voice faded as she said the last bit and she vanished out of the alley.
"Redemption, huh?" Did he really deserve redemption? He was a maggot. He was a failure. He betrayed his best student. He deserved death.
But death would not come. He'd been chasing it for several years now. He was still alive for a reason. He might as well try to make it up to Xiang, even if he never saw her again. If only he had the strength to move. Maybe he'd be ready after a few hours rest.
