The Crappy Teacher

He heard it as he stood just outside of his classroom.  Seventh graders held conversations about multiple things.  Videogames, movies, ass-whuppings, even sex were all things they spoke about.  "Kids these days," he muttered to himself.  Well, he might as well get in there.  He had a job to do.

He entered and bellow, "Okay, shut up, you future failures!"

The kids all looked his way.

"Now then, my name is-"

"Who cares," a student called out.

He knew exactly who it was.  "You think I didn't see you."  Pointing at the student, he said, "stand up, you miserable virus."

The student stood and said, "shut up."

The teacher said, "Now listen hear, you little piece of trash.  I get underpaid to come in and teach ingrates like you.  That means you'd better shut up, know your place, and listen.  Let me hear another outburst and see what happens."

The student walked up to him.  "I can tell you to kiss my ass and there's nothing you can do about it."

The teacher reared back and knocked him out with a single punch.  "Yes I can.  Oh, wait.  You're too busy being knocked out to hear me."  He looked out at the rest of the class.  "If anyone wants to join him on the ground, let me know."

Hearing nothing but silence, he continued.  "Now as I was saying, my name is Mr. Dickenbaus.  It's my job to make sure you maggots understand math and equations.  Do you maggots understand?"

"He said dick and balls," a student joked.

The class laughed.

"Excuse me, teacher," a female student said.  "Your name is inappropriate for school.  You should quit."

He walked up to her table and hit her with a vicious right hook, knocking her out of her seat and to the ground.  "And you should shut up and pick up your teeth.  Anyone else got something to say?"

"Yeah," a student said, standing up in protest.  "You're a crappy teacher and you suck, too."

Mr. Dickenbaus let out an eerie laugh.  "You need to sit down and shut up before I knock you down and bust you up."

Another student stood and headed for the door.  "This is crap!  I'm leaving."

Mr. Dickenbaus ran over and blocked the door.  "Nobody's going anywhere until the bell rings.  Now go back to your seat so we can start the lesson...unless you want to take the Dickenbaus Challenge."

The student stopped.  "Sorry.  I'm not gay."

Mr. Dickenbaus kicked the student to the ground.  "Got something else you want to say any my name?"

"Urgh…" the student moaned, seemingly unable to get up.

"Now then, everyone open your textbooks to page 33," Mr. Dickenbaus said.  "You're going to learn this crap even if it kills you."